


Audentes fortuna adiuvat

by lizzyunicorn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom, Mention of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom
Genre: 1930s Slang, 1940s, 1940s slang, And Reader finds out, And has a certain disregard for the rules, And she doesn't care, Bucky is gay, Bucky's afraid, I don't know anything about the U.S. military so bear with me, I suck at titles, M/M, Reader is Bucky's advisor during his military training, Reader is married, Slang, The title's latin by the way, and he's afraid people find out that Steve is his boyfriend, takes place while Bucky's in training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 17:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6249097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzyunicorn/pseuds/lizzyunicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You see, I am sure that if God was against finding love in someone of the same gender He would not even give you the option. I’m pretty sure God does not care about who you love as long as you love them. Because if He would, He would not create you this way. I’m certain that for Him love is love, no matter who you love”, she said and she tucked a streak of her hair behind her ear again, the soft golden band on her ring finger glistening in the light. <br/>“So I don’t care about whom you love, James. As long as you love him I’m fine with it.” </p>
<p>Or </p>
<p>Bucky's advisor and trainer during his military training finds out about him being gay and in love with Steven Grant Rogers. He's afraid she tells the higher-ups, she doesn't care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Audentes fortuna adiuvat

**Author's Note:**

> "Audentes fortuna adiuvat" is latin and means "Fortune favors the bold." 
> 
> Reader-insert.   
> (h/c) --> hair color  
> (l/n) --> last name   
> (f/n) --> first name

_››Accidit in puncto, quod non speratur in anno.‹‹_  
-Election motto of Habsburgs emperor Ferdinand I   
_("In one moment can happen, what you wouldn't have hoped for in a year.")_

 

Bucky was afraid. He was more afraid than he had ever been before. He was so afraid he was sure everyone could see. Of course, he shouldn’t be afraid; there was nothing he should be afraid of. After all, his advisor could have asked him for a meeting because of thousandth reasons, right?   
But Bucky could not get over the feeling that she didn’t want to talk about his abilities. Bucky could not get over the feeling that his lovely advisor wanted to talk about something else, about something more personal. And he knew that she didn’t want to tell him that she had a crush on him, although the others said so. Bucky had spotted the soft golden band on his advisor’s ring finger right away. It was modest yet beautiful and indicated that there was a very special person in her life. She didn’t talk about her husband but you could see in the way she moved, talked and acted that her every thought was dedicated to him and that her whole world was rotating around him. You knew it by the way she didn’t react to the flirting of the soldiers, of her protégées. You knew it by the way she just smiled softly when one of them mentioned their girlfriends back at home. You knew it by the way she held her head up high and seemed to smile all the time despite the harsh time they were living in. Bucky knew that his advisor didn’t have a crush on him and that this personal talk was not about her feelings towards him.

Bucky swallowed. He had been standing in front of the door to her office for a good five minutes now and it was time that he knocked. But the fear made him freeze. What if she had found out? What if she wanted to tell him that she would tell the Commander and that he would be suspended? How was he supposed to explain his suspension to the others? To Steve? To his family? Not that the latter knew about him and Steve but still. How was he supposed to explain it to any of them? He had been so careful, so subtle about his love for Steve, he had been certain no one would notice. He had talked about all his former girlfriends, about all the dates he had had before he had come here. He had told all the stories about girls he had in order to avoid that anyone would even consider that he was _romantically_ involved with his best friend.   
Swallowing again, Bucky finally knocked. He couldn’t stand in front of the door forever, sooner or later one would pass by and ask him what his problem was or his advisor would come out and search for him only to find him in front of her office door.

A soft voice, way too soft for someone who was so often so harsh and terse and whose glare was more intimidating than the Commander’s, told him that he was allowed to enter, so Bucky opened the door and took a step inside the office before closing the door behind him. He took a deep breath and looked up. His advisor was sitting behind her desk, dozens of files stacked on it but still neatly arranged. She had tied her long (h/c) hair up into a bun but a few streaks of hair had escaped it and were now tucked behind her ears. She had a fountain pen in her hand and was looking at some papers, probably signing them. Bucky didn’t really know what his advisor’s work was next to training them and, well, advising them and helping them figuring out what they wanted to do and grading them, but she must have some next to all that. Maybe signing letters to the family of someone who had fallen recently. Or going through the files of the new soldiers who would arrive in a few weeks.   
She didn’t seem to notice Bucky at first but Bucky knew better. Agent (l/n) always noticed the people entering her office. She always noticed everything. She had noticed that Dum-Dum had been ill before he had known himself. Agent (l/n) always noticed everything, no matter how subtle you were. She wasn’t a special agent for nothing but sometimes it _was_ scary how much she noticed what was going on around her.

When the woman finally looked up from her papers she smiled warmly at Bucky and again Bucky wondered how a woman like her – a woman who was so gentle and soft – could be a special agent and how her punches could be more painful than some of the other soldier’s one. Her smile reminded him of home, of his ma and of Steve, whose smile was also so warm and welcoming. Bucky could understand why all his friends had a crush on her and why her husband had married her. There were times Agent (l/n) was too soft, too pure and too nice to be the harsh special agent she was so often. Bucky was sure that it was only a façade, that she was only this harsh, terse and intimidating because she didn’t want to be pictured as weak, as the woman she was and that once you cracked the hard shell you would find an angel of God, a woman soft and tender, who loved with all her heart and even more.

“Agent (l/n).”   
Bucky was barely able to keep his voice firm and steady, barely able to hide his fear. He didn’t know why he was even trying to hide it; his advisor would know that he was afraid any way.   
With the smile still on her face, she ordered him to sit down across to her with a slight movement of her hand. Slowly, Bucky walked over and sat down across to her. Sitting across from her, feeling her eyes directly on him, he felt vulnerable, so vulnerable. He felt as if she was able to look into his soul and learn about every little secret he had hidden deep inside of him. Never in his life had Bucky felt as vulnerable as he felt now. The softness with which she treated him made it worse – he didn’t know what awaited him, he didn’t know what she wanted to talk about or what she thought. If there would be a look of disapprove, a look of disappointment on her face he would be able to know that she had learned about his dirty little secret. If she would look at him like that he would be able to make out what would happen. But with that sweet and soft smile of hers on her lips, he didn’t know what was coming, what would happen. He was in the hands of destiny and especially in hers. She could decide about his whole future, about his life. She could send him to death or could keep him alive and safe – she had his life in her hands. And not only was she in charge of his life – that was something he could deal with, or at least Bucky liked to think so – but she was also the one who could sentence Steve to death or leave him untouched and in safety.   
Bucky swallowed heavily, feeling her eyeing him up and down. Finally she let out a soft sigh and leaned back in her chair.   
“Don’t be so afraid, James. I’m not going to kill you”, she said and when Bucky looked at her a slight smirk played on her lips, as if she wasn’t sure to smirk or continue smiling at him. Bucky bit his lip. He didn’t know in which direction this would be going and he needed to know what it was that she wanted to talk about. He still hoped that it wasn’t Steve, that it wasn’t the fact that he was broken and a fag.

“You… wanted to speak with me about something?” he said and he realized that it sounded more like a question than a statement. For a second she remained silent and he wondered whether she was thinking about how she could tell him in the friendliest way that he was suspended from the army. Bucky knew that despite her attitude she cared about all of them and would never want to hurt them and shatter their souls. Clearly, she would punch them and make them suffer physically but never would she dare to hurt them mentally. She never said it but Bucky could feel it in his bones that she didn’t want to do that; that she didn’t want to break them because she knew perfectly well that the war would take care of that.   
“Indeed I want to”, she finally said and Bucky swallowed.   
“What… What is it that you want to talk about, Ma’am?” he asked carefully and she smiled at him again.   
“I told you to stop being afraid, didn’t I?” she asked and Bucky bit his lip before he nodded. Yes, she had said that but he still was afraid that she would rip off his head. You weren’t always ordered into the office of your advisor unless it was urgent. Yeah, you had your regular talk with them about your career and everything but there was a specific time for that and that was not now.

Agent (l/n) eyed him for a second again, before she asked Bucky a question that took him aback slightly.   
“Do you have any idea why I want to talk to you, James?”   
Her voice still was soft and he could hear that she meant no harm but it made Bucky’s blood froze right away.   
“Uh… I…” Bucky started but he was unable to finish the sentence or even think about how to finish it. His mind was a blank sheet of paper and his ability to speak was wiped from it.   
A (h/c) streak had found its way in front of her face again and with a sigh Bucky’s advisor tucked it behind her ear again while she leaned forwards.   
“James. You know perfectly well what it is, don’t you?” she said and Bucky was certain know that she referred to his sexuality. There was no other way.   
Slowly, he nodded and a content sigh left her lips. The sound surprised Bucky but he didn’t dare to look up, instead kept his gaze fixed on the sheet of paper lying between them.   
“Is there anything you want to say about it?” she asked and Bucky shook his head. He could see her nod out of the corner of his eyes.  
He couldn’t see her expression but he was sure that it was one of disapproval and disappointment. He could understand it. He had disappointed her. He was broken, he wasn’t like he was supposed to be, and he wasn’t how God wanted them to be. He was the definition of a failure and of disappointment. Bucky could understand perfectly well if she no longer wanted to have him around and if she would rat him out. The only thing he hoped for was that she didn’t spill Steve’s name. Bucky could live with him being treated like the failure and fag he was, but not Steve. Steve was too precious, too soft and too perfect for this world to be treated like that. Steve didn’t deserve to be treated as if he was broken.

“James. Look at me.”   
The softness and love in her voice startled Bucky. Why was she speaking in such a manner to him after him admitting that he was not what everyone thought he was? How could she still be so friendly to him after all of that?   
Slowly, Bucky lifted his gaze and looked her in the eyes. However, what he found wasn’t disapproval or disappointment. No, it was love. It was understanding and empathy. It was the complete opposite of what Bucky had thought he would find in her eyes that for a moment he forgot to breathe. How could that be? How could she look at him like it was totally fine, like it didn’t surprise her and like she was okay with it? How could she look at him like that after what she had learnt?

“Are you… Are you going to tell the Commander, Agent (l/n)?” Bucky asked slowly and surprise appeared in her eyes, as if she hadn’t expected him to ask that question.   
“Do you want me to?” she asked and Bucky shook his head hastily, making her chuckle softly.   
“I figured that”, she said and she gave him the warmest smile Bucky had ever seen on her. A smile full of love and understanding, a smile indicating that whatever he did wouldn’t change the way she thought and felt about him.   
“So… You won’t do it?” Bucky asked and his advisor shook her head.   
“Why should I rat you out? What use would it be for me if I told the Commander that you are gay?” she asked, her voice still soft and again Bucky could understand why everyone had a crush on this woman. Despite what she was, despite her rank and despite her usual harsh and terse attitude and her intimidating glare, she still had a voice so soft like only few woman back in Brooklyn had, and her eyes were filled with love ever so often and she was so close to every one of them as if she thought of themselves as something precious. This woman was something special and Bucky could understand perfectly well why so many had fallen for her.   
Leaning back in her chair, she continued speaking.   
“You see, I am sure that if God was against finding love in someone of the same gender He would not even give you the option. I’m pretty sure God does not care about who you love as long as you love them. Because if He would, He would not create you this way. I’m certain that for Him love is love, no matter who you love”, she said and she tucked a streak of her hair behind her ear again, the soft golden band on her ring finger glistening in the light.   
“So I don’t care about whom you love, James. As long as you love him I’m fine with it.”   
At the end she looked him into the eyes and Bucky could see that she meant what she had said and had not only said it because she wanted to soothe him. No, he could see that she really thought that God didn’t care about whom you loved as long as you loved him and that she didn’t think that he was broken or a failure or disappointment in any way.

Bucky swallowed, uncertain about what he should say next. What should he say to her? What should he tell her? Should he thank her? He didn’t know what to do. Maybe it was the right thing to thank her but it also felt wrong as if he didn’t mean it.   
“Uh… I don’t know what to say”, he admitted and a soft laugh escaped her mouth.   
“That’s alright”, she said and smiled at him. “You don’t need to say anything. I can understand”, she added and Bucky could feel that she meant it. However, there was still something Bucky needed to know, something he needed an answer for.   
“How did you know?” he asked and Agent (l/n) looked surprised for a second again, before she shrugged.   
“I just felt it. There was something about you that reminded me of myself but in a different way. It is difficult to explain. Surely, the others are running around with this “I’ve-got-a-girlfriend-back-at-home”-attitude and they said it but you didn’t and you still walked around with a similar attitude. You still had this aura of having someone waiting for you at home radiating off of you but you tried not to show it, you were being so subtle. I wondered whether it was because you didn’t want to bring your girlfriend into this, but when you first mentioned your childhood friend back in Brooklyn it clicked. I knew it right away by the way your eyes started lighting up and how you smile grew wider and more genuine and how everything around you screamed that you were in love with him. I knew it the very first second I saw you talking about him. And when I received the first letters for all of you to go through and read them yesterday my suspicion was confirmed”, Bucky’s advisor explained and he looked at her with big eyes.   
“You… read them? All of the letters?” he asked and she nodded.   
“I have to. I mean, I don’t _really_ read them. I just open them and have a quick look at it and then put them back into the envelope. In all honesty, I do not care about what your family, friends or lovers are writing you. That is private. I don’t want you to know everything about my private life, either, so why should I do that with yours?” Agent (l/n) said and Bucky remained speechless for a second. Who knew that his advisor was so liberal and had such a disregard for the rules? Wasn’t it her duty to read them in detail and give them the Commander if they were too inappropriate?

“You didn’t expect that, did you?” she asked and Bucky nodded, making her laugh.   
“Well, it is my duty to read them but that doesn’t mean I do. If your girlfriends or boyfriends write you dirty letters then so they shall. I don’t want to read that. That’s your thing and not mine. And it’s not like it influences anyone of you in a bad way”, she said and smirked at the end, making Bucky blush. How was he supposed to know that she was like this? Surely, he had been certain that his advisor was suffragist and not your usual military advisor but not that she didn’t care about the rules this much. It made her seem daring, as if she was testing out where the limit was. Clearly, she knew where it was and which of her responsibilities she could avoid without being called out for it, but it still seemed daring. It reminded Bucky of Steve in a way he could not explain. Bucky was sure that Steve and Agent (l/n) would either get along very well or not at all.   
“I… didn’t expect that”, Bucky admitted and his advisor started to laugh warm-heartedly.   
“I figured that. Well, you would not really expect your superior to not care about your letters. After all we are supposed to care about them. But what happens behind your closed doors at home is none of my concern and so are your letters. I don’t let you know about my private life and therefore I don’t stick my nose into yours. Simple as that”, she said and smiled at him in the end.   
“You see, I can understand why the higher-ups want to know about what’s in your letters but I am also very aware of the fact that there are things in this world which are not meant for other people’s eyes and ears. If anything in these letters was meant for me it would not be addressed to you. It’s called ››private life‹‹ for a reason after all. It’s not meant for the public, if it was it would be your public life. We differentiate between those two for a reason. Not everything that happens in my private life is subject to my public life. And if I keep my private life to myself why should I make your private life public?”   
Bucky got her point. She explained it very well and he had thought about this, too. It was their private life. His superiors weren’t supposed to know about what he did behind closed doors. Of course he would have never complained but he liked that his advisor was thinking the same way. It made her even more loveable. They had a similar pattern of thought and Bucky liked that. However, there was one more thing he needed an answer for.

“Ma’am, may I ask a question?” Bucky asked and his advisor raised an eyebrow before she nodded.   
“Go ahead.”   
Bucky was well aware that it was something unusual that he asked a question. Especially when his question was this private.   
“You don’t have to answer it, Ma’am, but… I was wondering why you’re never tell any of the other guys that you’re married although their flirting with you?” Bucky explained and for a second Agent (l/n) looked at him silently before she chuckled.   
“Oh well, James, that’s easy. I am fully aware that some of you guys call me a looker and carry a torch but who am I to blame you? You haven’t seen your girlfriends in a long time and I do know that I am probably one of the best looking women around here. I really can’t blame you all. And why should it bother me? There’s no harm in your flirting, I’m not cheating on my husband if I do not react to it after all. I do not really care about your friends’ flirting, it does not bother me”, she explained and Bucky was taken aback by her answer. How did she know all of that? How did she know how some of the other soldiers were calling her? How had she found that out?   
Seeing his expression Agent (l/n) chuckled again and said: “I’ve got my ears all around the campus.”   
There was something wicked in the way she looked at Bucky and for a second Bucky wondered how much she really knew? To what extent did she know what was going on around?   
Knowing that she knew in fact more than everyone thought made Bucky’s advisor seem even scarier than before.   
Agent (l/n) gave Bucky a soft smile.   
“I’m a special agent, James. It is my duty to know more than you all think I do. I would be a horrible agent if I did not have information you are desperately trying to keep from me”, she explained and winked at him.

For a moment she rubbed the golden ring on her finger before she sighed.   
“Now, back to the topic. You know I won’t tell the Commander but there’s something you have to promise me”, she said and Bucky blinked a few times.   
“Uh… What is it that you want me to promise?” he asked and his superior smiled warmly.   
“Well, to be honest it is more than one thing”, she stated and Bucky raised an eyebrow before he slowly nodded.   
“What are they?” he repeated his question and Agent (l/n) tucked a loose streak of her hair behind her ear again. It was a bad habit of her how Bucky had noticed. She did it all the time whenever there was a streak which was not in place. She did it down at the field and in her office. He was wondering why she didn’t just redo her bun but then again she must have had a reason for not doing so.   
“Firstly do me the favor and stop calling me Agent (l/n) or Ma’am when we are alone. I am only a few years older than you, don’t make me feel older than I already am. And as you are the only one who is not constantly trying to hit on me you have the right to call me (f/n). After all I am calling you James, too.”   
Bucky blinked a few times before he nodded. It was an odd request. But why should he complain? It made her seem closer and took away the oddness you felt when talking to a superior.   
“What are the other things?”   
(F/n) chuckled.   
“Do me the favor and tell your friends to stop referring to me as “Big Cheese” behind my back – I am not the most important person here – and to stop talking about my gams – I know that my legs are wonderful without your friends pointing it out all the time – and make them understand that I am in no way a Moll but the wife of a wonderful man and that they should not even consider asking me for a dance as long as they are not hoofers.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped and he had a hard time closing his mouth again. Never in his life would he have thought that (f/n) first of all knew what they were saying when using slang and that he would ever hear any of those words out of her mouth. This woman was Joe Brooks after all and seemed like her family had a lot of scratch. He never would have expected her out of all people to use any of those “slang” words, degrading herself and her family.   
(F/n) started laughing at Bucky’s reaction.   
“Oh, darling, did you think that just because I am from a better-off family – or how you guys would say: Just because my family’s loaded – that I do not understand what you guys are saying? Of course, there are some words I had to ask the other superiors about because I never heard anyone using them before but I do not live behind the moon. I may not know everything about slang but I am well aware of what most things mean”, she explained and Bucky looked at her in awe and shock. Had she really just said that? Her wicked grin indicated that she had indeed just said that. A blush appeared on Bucky’s cheek and he looked down on the paper again.   
“Is there anything else you want me to promise?” he muttered and he could feel her smiling at him.   
“Indeed there is. If you ever get the chance to introduce me to your boyfriend, then do so. I would love to meet the person who is such an incredible artist. I am truly amazed by what he drew.”   
(F/n)’s voice was warm and soft and Bucky knew that she really meant what she was saying, that she did not lie, that she really wanted to meet Steve and that she was indeed amazed by his artistic skills. He grinned and looked at her.   
“I’ll tell him. And well… If you’re ever in Brooklyn just visit me although I doubt that we’re living somewhere you’re usually walking around”, Bucky said and he smiled sheepishly at the end and scratched his neck nervously. He usually wasn’t ashamed of the area Steve and he lived but considering the fact that (f/n) was probably used to something better and an area indicating clearly that it was not to be entered unless you were loaded.   
A tender smile appeared on Agent (l/n)’s lips.   
“Don’t be ashamed of where you’re from. Money doesn’t make you a good person. What matters is not the amount of money you own but whether you are a good person or not. And no amount of money can buy that. And from what I have seen throughout the time is that you are a good person, no matter what. Even if you would be broken and your soul was shattered I believe that there would still be something good in you that you would not be able to lose, no matter what your enemies would do to you. What matters is who we are deep inside. Whether you are James Buchanan Barnes or a soldier. And no matter what will happen to you the greatness of your soul – the true glory of your soul – will not vanish. Maybe we won’t see each other for years or ages but I believe that even if you were a complete different person by then somewhere deep down your soul there would still be the James Buchanan Barnes I knew.”   
(F/n) gave Bucky a look he could not interpret. There was something in it that made his blood freeze and made him go stiff but it had evaporated just as fast as it had appeared and Bucky was left wondering why she had looked at him like that.   
“I’ve seen great men go to hell and leave the path of God but I have also seen men altering the direction they were going into and finding their way back to the good in the world. Every one of us has light and dark inside them and sometimes we choose to act on the bad side of our soul because sometimes the temptation of Lucifer is too strong and we give into it. But that does not mean that we are a bad person. God forgives those who find their way back to Him because He knows that we are flawed beings and sometimes loose our way. But He also knows that in the end we are all good people and He will never give up to believe that one day we find our way back to Him and remember who we once were and that deep down we always have been a good person and that the only thing that happened is that we got lost along the journey. But all of that doesn’t make us a bad person, in fact it only makes us human and why should we deny our humanity?”   
Bucky could feel the heaviness of the words and their true worth. He could feel that they weren’t just random words mixed together and arranged in a neat sentence. No, he could feel that there was a deep meaning behind them and that he should never forget that. That he should never forget the worth these sentences held.   
“Do not forget that, James. We are all good persons. Sometimes we just get lost. But no matter what deep down we are still a good person and we will always be.”   
Bucky didn’t need those words to know that. He had figured that he should treasure them and keep them in mind. And Bucky was certain that even if his memory would be erased one day he would remember those words, even if (f/n) had passed away long ago. Bucky was certain that even if all his memory was wiped from him and he was going into the wrong direction, there would be a day someone would make him remember those words and he would find his way back to who he used to be.

He swallowed and nodded.   
“Th-Thank you… I guess”, he stammered and (f/n) chuckled.   
“There is nothing you have to thank me for”, she replied while she smiled at him. Her glance went to the clock at the wall and let out a small sound of surprise.   
“Dear Lord! It’s already that late. You really should get going and meet your friends before dinner. They’re probably already wondering why you’re not back yet”, (f/n) said and Bucky smirked.   
“I’ll just tell ‘em that I got to bill and coo with our doll”, he said with a grin and his advisor started laughing.   
When she finally had calm down again tears of laughter were visible in her eyes.   
“Well go ahead and tell them. And don’t forget to tell them that the bank’s closed. It’s not like I’m a quiff giving cash to everyone. You’ve got to be a cake-eater to get my fine ass, but now chase yourself, go. We don’t want you to miss dinner, do we?” (f/n) retorted and it took Bucky a lot to not gape at her like a fish but to laugh instead.

He stood up, saluted and went to the door. He already had his hand on the door knob, when he turned around again, seeing Agent (l/n) buried in her files again and said: “Ya certainly know ya onions, Ma’am. Ya goin’ to make me stuck on ya. Check, will ya, doll?”   
Bucky didn’t wait for his advisor’s reply but he could hear her erupting into laughter and muttering something along the lines of “Just get lost already.”

With a smile Bucky walked towards his tent. When Agent (l/n) had told him she wanted to speak to him earlier that day he hadn’t expected that the day would end like this; with his secret safe and an even better relationship with his advisor. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know anything about Slang in the 30s and 40s, so I don't have a clue whether I used the words correctly.   
> I also suck at latin and translating latin quotes into english from german is hell. So sorry if the translation's wrong or not understandable.   
> Also this is not beta-read.   
> Mistakes belong to me. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!   
> xoxo <3


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